The Queen may hand out gongs at Palace investitures but she has almost no say in who gets them. The exceptions are the Garter and the Royal Victorian Order, created by our longest-serving monarch who became fed up with political interference in an honours system that she thought should be handled entirely by the Sovereign.

A reflection of the continuing obsession with class and privilege in Britain, the honours system is administered by Downing Street and its rules remain obscure although it is clear that captains of industry and senior civil servants get knighthoods while lifeboat coxswains have to be content with the humble MBE.

Some of the lowest appointees do not even have their day out at the Palace but have to be content with receiving their medal from the lord-lieutenant of the county at a town hall.

Honours are not supposed to be bought but they are. Lloyd George was the most notorious seller of honours to boost Liberal Party funds, and his henchman Maundy Gregory spent a short spell behind bars for organising the scheme.

There is no shortage of citizens who profess to be demotic but who cannot resist the kudos of letters after their name. John Major – now a KG himself but so far unwilling to accept a peerage – tried to democratise the system in the 1990s by inviting anyone to write in to Downing Street and nominate a worthy candidate. A significant proportion of honours are now awarded by this method.

All orders have their subtle gradations; in the largest of all, the Order of the British Empire, you can be a member (MBE), officer (OBE), commander (CBE) or Knight (KBE).

Below the Garter the two top honours are the Orders of the Bath and the St Michael and St George, whose appointees are generally senior civil servants, military officers or members of the diplomatic service. The bottom rung of the Michael is Commander bringing the letters CMG, which is said to stand for Call Me God.

Next up is a Knight, with the initials KCMG: Kindly Call Me God. Top rung of all is GCMG, Knight Grand Cross of the Order of St Michael and St George, which stands, naturally, for God Calls Me God.

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