To centre court then, at Westminster at least, to watch the match. There was quite a lot of shouting and grunting. I regret to say that no biceps were flexed. But then Nadal and Murray weren't playing yet, at least not on this court. (Is there a politician comparable to Andy Murray? One suggestion is George Osborne, though surely that bicep situation would be disastrous.)

Gordon Brown was looking unhappy (must be a Scottish thing). He is, as the whole world knows, having trouble with his serve. Indeed, his own Health Secretary has said the PM is not a centre court player. I have a feeling this means Gordo is a badminton man. Still, Gordo was there yesterday (but was that a badminton racquet in his hand?), accompanied by his very own rain cloud.

David Cameron, who thinks he's a winner but may have worrying Henman-like tendencies, jumped up to serve, demanding that Gordo repeat what he had said after the vote on 42 days' detention: “That no deals were made, no jobs were offered and no rewards promised?”

Gordo was up like a shot. “Yes!” he barked, racquet waving.

The crowd murmured its appreciation at this short sharp volley. Mr Speaker Umpire whispered “love-15”.

Dave said he was grateful (he lies well) and lobbed his best shot. “Perhaps you can explain this,” he noted. This turned out to be a personal letter from the Labour Chief Whip Geoff Hoon to Keith Vaz, the chairman of the Home Affairs Committee. Mr Cameron read out the billet-doux from Geoff to Keith: “Just a quick note to thank you for all your help during the period leading up to last Wednesday's vote. I wanted you to know how much I appreciated all your help. [crowd: Ahhhhh] I trust that it will be appropriately rewarded!” [crowd: AHHHHHHHH]

All eyes were on the Chief Whip, Geoff “Buff” Hoon, who was sitting on the Labour front bench giggling like a girl. Sadly Sir Keith, as he has been known in Westminster ever since his vote raised suspicions that a K was on the way, was not in his place. How he would have basked in the attention.

Dave was on a roll (15-all) and demanded Gordo explain what “appropriately rewarded” meant.

Gordon was as leaden as the sky above. “We thank the chairman of the Home Affairs Committee for doing exactly the right thing,” he intoned. This was (surprise) “voting with the Government”.

Dave danced up. “Why can't you give a straight answer to a straight question?” The crowd went wild. Mr Speaker Umpire shouted something (I think it was 30-15). Now Dave was rolling the words “appropriately rewarded” around his mouth. “Let me ask him again - don't take people for fools - tell us the truth. What did he mean?” (40-15)

The Prime Minister lumbered up, waving his alarmingly sized racquet (was it actually a snowshoe?) in a dangerous fashion. Forget centre court. Should this man be playing at all? For if Buff was guilty of anything, it was probably of making a small joke. Shouldn't the PM make some sort of mini-joke in response?

Instead Gordon was actually smashing up his racquet/shoe on the dispatch box. “He meant he was THANKING the chairman of the Home Affairs Committee!”

Cue absolute mayhem. “Order!” shouted Mr Umpire. But there was no order. “Arise! Arise!” Tory MPs were shouting. Dave looked smug, as you do when the win has come so easy.

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