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Cars? Comedy? Carnage? Or just plain anarchy? If “them three blokes off Top Gear” get their way, this year’s MPH Prestige & Performance Motor Show, featuring Top Gear Live, will be all these and more.

A feast of ultra-exotic supercars mixed in with a riot of live theatre, MPH explodes into action at Earls Court, London, on October 30 and moves on to blow audiences off the edge of their seats at the NEC, Birmingham, from November 13.

Even before the show has started, Clarkson, Hammond and May have stated their intentions for global domination. After driving a tank across London’s Tower Bridge last month, the three presenters announced that the Top Gear Live franchise would be travelling to 10 international cities in a £20m world tour, including Johannesburg, Sydney and Hong Kong.

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“There was a huge demand from all over the world for us to go and perform. This is an opportunity to come and watch us three cocking about,” Clarkson said after the crowd-pleasing PR stunt.

So what will more than 70,000 British car enthusiasts and Top Gear fans be treated to when MPH opens its doors?

Beyond some of the rarest supercars in production all gathered in the same place at the same time, this year will see the Stig take on Swampy, a mechanical monster with a taste for tame racing drivers.

The producers behind the scenes – including Andy Wilman, credited, together with Clarkson, with reinventing Top Gear in 2002 – have also been busy with another new creation, rethinking transport for London. While they can’t claim to have come up with a public transport solution that’s any cheaper or more efficient, they’ll definitely win the public’s popularity vote.

A scaled-down double-decker bus that’s built to perform doughnuts (spinning round on the spot) and the world’s fastest London cab (built around the bits of a high-powered Mitsubishi Evo rally car) will treat audience members to a hearty helping of smoke from burning rubber.

“We wanted to turn up the madness rating,” says one of the production team for Top Gear Live. “We have a guy in a garage who is a total maverick. He’ll turn any vision into a reality. He loves his angle grinder just a little bit too much for comfort.”

It’s reassuring to know that one of the world’s biggest television phenomena, a show that follows Baywatch and Friends in the global ratings, is at heart still about angle grinders and blokes cocking about. Experience the magic formula for yourself and get along to MPH.

Armed and dangerous

Jeremy Clarkson

Rank: Field Marshal
Age: 48
Dress code: Denim and, er, blue denim
Greatest put-down: Clarkson’s damning appraisal of the aesthetic charms of the Porsche Cayenne: “Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.”
Favourite TG race: The North Pole. A double triumph: whupping Hamster and driving across 400 miles of ice and snow in a Toyota 4x4, proving the pole hasn’t melted and therefore global warming doesn’t exist.
Most memorable MPH stunt: Land Rover Discovery v mountain climber at the 2007 MPH show. Clarkson carefully inched the Discovery up a 1:3 artificial mountain slope as a mountaineer shinned up the vertical side, beating him to the 45ft high summit.
Most loved by: Tommy Saxondale – Steve Coogan’s washed-up roadie character.
Most loathed by: Half the population.
Chances of becoming prime minister: Strong. The other half of the population would vote Clarkson.

Richard Hammond

Rank: Plucky Corporal
Age: 38
Dress code: Nicely turned out footballer
Greatest put-down: “The last time I saw plastic like this it contained Tic Tacs” (discussing the build quality of American car dashboards).
Favourite TG race: Bugatti Veyron v Eurofighter Typhoon. Winning isn’t everything. “This is the best race in history!” declared the Hamster, shortly before being beaten by the £90m RAF fighter jet.
Most memorable MPH stunt: Standing very, very still inside the Globe of Death – a ball-shaped cage – as a motorcycle stunt rider buzzed around his head.
Most loved by: Lonesome housewives.
Most loathed by: Jealous husbands.
Chances of becoming prime minister: Fairly good. The yummy mummy vote’s already in the bag.

James May

Rank: Captain, of course. . . Captain Slow
Age: 45
Dress code: Elegantly crumpled
Greatest put-down: “Actually, this is why it’s called the F360, this model. You drive along and you go ‘ffffffff’ and you do a 360!” May disparages the Ferrari F360’s handling characteristics.
Favourite TG race: Private plane (piloted by May) v Bugatti Veyron across Europe.
Most memorable MPH stunt: Homemade miniature sprint car race. May stole the show racing the other two around giant skittles in a DIY racer he’d made from a suitcase.
Most loved by: Steam train engine enthusiasts.
Most loathed by: The regimental barber.
Chances of becoming prime minister: Too eccentric to be an obvious candidate. But if Boris Johnson can become mayor of London, then anything’s possible.

Who, what and where

Who?Clarkson, May and Hammond
What?“Cocking about” – their words, not ours
When?Earls Court Oct 30-Nov 2, NEC, Birmingham Nov 13-16
How much?Platinum, £105, includes prime seating position at Top Gear Live, paddock tour, access to MPH Prestige & Performance Motor Show, access to VIP enclosure, two-course meal and drinks, refreshments all day, The Big Book of Top Gear 2009 and official show guide. Gold, £56, includes a good seating position at Top Gear Live, paddock tour, access to MPH Prestige & Performance Motor Show, access to the Sunday Times enclosure, two complimentary drinks, official guide. Silver, £38, includes a seat at Top Gear Live, access to MPH Prestige & Performance Motor Show, official show guide. Exhibition, £25, includes access to MPH Prestige & Performance Motor Show and official show guide, but no access to Top Gear Live
More info? www.mphshow.co.uk, box office 0871 230 7150

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