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Sir, I have always interpreted wedding gift lists as the ne plus ultra of chutzpah, and the liquidation of the online wedding gift service Wrapit (report, August 5) only highlights the expectations and effrontery of 21st-century newlyweds.
The attendance of guests should give sufficient gratification, and fulfilment should not be judged on material remuneration.
At a friend’s recent wedding, 50 toasters were welded together in the form of a giant toaster man and concreted into their back garden. The jollity for all concerned was worth more than costly household items supplied on demand for the bride and groom.
Consider budgeting less for the actual wedding, leaving yourselves adequate money to purchase the luxuries you desire without making stipulations on your guests.
Laurence Hewings
Honiton, Devon
Sir, I could not disagree more with Melanie Reid (Opinion, August 7). The point of wedding lists is simply that money should not be wasted by well-meaning friends and relatives. No one is forced to purchase from the list, and it is only a suggestion for those who do not wish to give something totally unwanted — for example, distant relatives who may not know the couple very well.
My sister did not have a wedding list and received six sets of sherry glasses. I did have a list and on it were items ranging from a bean slicer (50p) to other more expensive items, many of which I still have and use today, such as the toasted sandwich maker, which is even now feeding armies of hungry teenagers.
Some of our guests, however, chose not to buy from the list and among many lovely gifts we received a clock of such spectacular awfulness that it was banished to the garage never to see the light of day.
Ros Mahony
Farnham, Hants
Sir, In an attempt to come somewhere near Jesus’ gift at Cana, we sent out the Wine Society’s catalogue as our wedding list. We received 480 bottles.
Jules Akel
Dalwhinnie, Highland
Sir, As a 75-year old spinster whose house is still inadequately equipped, I
think there may be something to be said for wedding lists (letters, August
8 and 9).
I have lived happily without sugar tongs, but I continue to yearn for some
grape scissors.
kate taylor
Wakefield
Sir, My nephew is due to marry next week and he and his future wife are one of the many unfortunate couples now facing disappointment concerning wedding lists held by the troubled company Wrapit.
However, when my husband and I married 36 years ago we were presented with two unique gifts that money could never buy. One was a tea cosy, hand-knitted by a friend’s elderly, partially sighted grandmother. The other was a beautiful silk handkerchief, hand-embroidered by an 80-year-old friend and neighbour of my grandmother’s, to “tuck in your stocking as you walk down the aisle”! Neither expected to attend the wedding; they simply gave in a spirit of love and blessings for our future together. Needless to say I still treasure both items.
I hope and believe that my nephew feels the same about any gift that we do now manage to chose for him. Times and ways of doing things may have changed but I sincerely hope human nature hasn’t. I have not heard a single complaint from my nephew, or his future wife, concerning their disappointment over this recent debacle. I am pleased to say any request for an alternative list appears to be very low on their list of priorities. There will always be greedy, materialistic individuals but, fortunately, the majority of couples marrying today are not so mercenary.
Penelope Allum
Cambridge
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We found a site called weddingpressies.co.uk which allowed us to build a list from loads of different stores. It didn't limit us like some stores.
Tom, Cheshire,
In retrospect after 51 years of marriage, I realise that a set of drain-rods would have been the most useful wedding gift.
Helen Barber, Cambridge,
Weddings cost at LEAST £5000, this money is spent at a time in the couples life when they often can't afford it, so to help out people give gifts. The problems of this system are basically greed. Children have written to Santa for the same reasons brides give list: to avoid disappointment and waste
Poppy, TO,
We got married last June and after long deliberations I gave in to my husband's wish to have a "honeymoon fund" instead of a gift list. (I thought I'd let him have his way for one last time before signing on the dotted line). I now regret my decision - but it acts as a valuable bargaining chip.
HollyG, Windsor, UK
Wedding lists are fine, at the end of the brides extensive desires for fine china, glassware, linen and the odd bit of silver, you may find that the Groom would really like a pair of stepladders so that he can decorate the castle. Give them at your peril, the Bride will not forgive you easily.
Jennifer Liggins, Pocklington, G.B
When my daughter married she and her husband stipulated...no presents please, just come and enjoy yourselves. She is not wealthy or even well off but she felt it was rude to suggest to guests that she wanted them to buy presents.
I was extremely proud of her
maggie mattingley, Hindhead, Surrey