The annual Oscar party is a staple event in the American social calendar. Let me clarify: I'm not talking about the joyless Variety bash where people recoil in horror if you dare eat a canapé - the people having the best time on Oscar night are those attending the thousands of Oscar-themed house parties around the country.

The problem with hosting such a party in the UK is the time difference. How do you keep your guests awake during the slow bits, until the big hitters swagger up to feign surprise and humility? Here are a few suggestions for Oscar night activities that should help the excruciating interludes of interpretive dance fly by.

The Oscar night drinking game

Approach this activity with caution. Award yourself a sip (or a shot) for every mention of the writers' strike; two for the phrase “I'd like to thank my agent”; and neck the entire bottle if someone has a full-on Halle Berry meltdown.

The porno Oscars

Think of pornographic puns on the competing film titles. Thus something like Saving Private Ryan would become “Shaving Ryan's Privates” (which is a porn film, apparently); Gladiator would become “Glad He Ate Her”.

Oscar sweepstake

Each guest pays a stake and gets a slip of paper with the name of a nominee for one of the top prizes. If you are playing on Best Actor, Actress, Director and Film, divide the prize fund up between the four awards and give the winner of each a share. Or commandeer the whole amount and spend it in the local off-licence.

Hollywood canapés

Keep your guests fed and watered with a selection of appropriately themed snacks. How about black pudding (“There Will Be Blood Sausage”); or a medley of Sweeney Todd's bespoke pies. Take a tip from Juno and serve gallons of Sunny Delight. Or go the whole hog with a gourmet selection inspired by the wonderful menus of Ratatouille. Don't forget to include a plate of Kate Bosworth specials - cocktail sticks with no food attached.

Pin the award on the celebrity

Although obviously we can't recommend that you combine a game involving sharp objects and blindfolds with excessive alcohol, a variation on the children's party favourite Pin the Tail on the Donkey can bring hours of fun. An alternative would be to select the winners by throwing darts at each set of nominees. And if you really want to spice things up, use a staple gun.

DIY awards

Have a Blue Peter moment: make your own Oscar statuettes from Plasticine, sticky back plastic, foil and coat hangers. Bringing out the creative tendencies of your guests can also be a good opportunity to sober them up a little before the main awards of the night. Keep hold of the finished statuettes - you may need them later.

Red carpet fashion show

Encourage everyone to come dressed as their favourite red carpet faux pas from Oscar ceremonies past. Expect plenty of Björk swan outfits, Céline Dion's backwards tuxedos, Demi Moore's cycle shorts and carpet ensemble from 1989 and, if you're lucky, some brave soul will venture out as Cher in her Vegas showgirl fembot outfit from 1986. No one, though, could outdo Gwyneth Paltrow, who once claimed to be wearing a dress containing a bit of the Turin Shroud.

Throw meat at Gwyneth Paltrow

Talking of whom... It doesn't have to be Gwynnie - any sanctimonious, somewhat irritating celeb will do, although it helps if they are evangelical vegetarians. The rules are simple. Every time your chosen celeb's face appears on screen - even the briefest glimpse - everyone has to pelt the television with cocktail sausages. This excellent game also works for recently rehabbed stars. See also: Throwing Drugs at Lindsay Lohan.

Host your own awards

At the end of the night, hand out your own homemade Oscar statuettes (I told you they would come in handy) to those guests who have made it through to the bitter end. Think of your own unique award categories: best supporting liver; the Jon Stewart award for polite sarcasm; endurance award to the last man standing. And then it's off to work with you.

The 80th Annual Academy Awards

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